he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
