I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
