i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Let's paint friendship bongs
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
