We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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