how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
there was a trapeze. enough said
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
