my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
We're too hungover to prance.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
I think i got beer on your cat.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
