It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
