my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize