No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I have already put on my inside pants.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
