honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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