i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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