Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
