How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
