I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
