There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
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Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
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HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
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