I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
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There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
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