even my farts smell like vagina
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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