I wish I only lived at night.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Randomize
