There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
