My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
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