i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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