Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize