i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
