When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
my vag is so smooth its legendary
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
