Jerry, you need to find god
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
