I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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