I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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