Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
