The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
