So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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