What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
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