I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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