How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
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