im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Randomize
