i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
