Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
