So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Randomize
