WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize