his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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