fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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