Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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