Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
It's official drugs can't kill me
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
