How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
