I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
