Well douche your snatch and let's go!
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
you inspire me to be a worse person
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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