it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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