So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
