omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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