I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
