I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
