Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
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