I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Randomize
