I'm pants shitting drunk right now
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
is that a dick in a sweater?
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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