is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
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