Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
