This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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