Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
