Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
