idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Randomize
