Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize