sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
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