Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
