Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
