Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
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