I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
