So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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