And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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